If I am brave enough to tell people that I’m getting divorced, and they are brave enough to ask questions, sometimes they will ask, “Was it sudden, or did you see it coming?”
This is the same question people ask when I tell them my dad died when he was only 54.
I give the same answer too:
Both. It was both.
What they are really asking is:
How awful was it?
Were you prepared?
If they really asked these questions, I would say:
It was worse than I ever imagined.
There are some things you are never prepared for.
I was drawing with my older son one morning, a couple weeks after we told him that his father and
I wouldn’t be living together anymore. He was just four at the time. He drew a black triangle, and then picked up two orange crayons, and pressed hard to color the triangle in.
Then he turned to me. “Write this down,” he said, handing me the black crayon.
“One day there was a volcano. And then it exploded. No one was there. And then it exploded again on Thursday. And there was lava all over the ground.”
This is the answer I wish I could give, when people asked me if it was sudden. The truth is that we knew our marriage was in danger and were trying hard to keep our family safe.
But then one day, the danger was upon us. We could not escape it.